I cannot remember a lot of things, the majority of things, anyway, but that is understandable, that is excused. However, this time, what I can't remember is more recent and not a memory from post-death. It's something I should have remembered very vividly even weeks after I'd said it. After I'd closed the deal.
I didn't regret it- no, how could I regret it, now with Hanna standing here and blathering on to a twelve-year-old-boy (who was making sure the conversation kept Hanna seeming a fool, making all his remarks sarcastic and knowing Hanna was oblivious to A LOT of sarcasm thrown his way). Several times I had already tried to step in and help Hanna see that he was being made fun of, but naturally, either Hanna didn't care, or didn't seem to show he understood even when I pointed it out to him. So I gave up and stood here waiting to be acknowledged, but not expecting it very soon.
I looked around. It was freezing cold and I was feeling nothing but remorse. Why had I not remembered? It pained my heart a little, I think, that last night when he came home with those big eyes brighter than usual, carrying a box too wide for him to handle, I didn't immediately come around and understand what the contents were all for. Not even when he showed me the foe-silk material he was going to fashion the cloak out of did I remember. It took his little frown, his bottom lip out just a fraction of an inch, and his eyebrows sliding together very slowly as he spoke and told me what I'd forgotten.
I feigned total understanding, and inside, I broke apart a little. How had I forgotten the promise I'd made, how had I forgotten that extra-bright look in Hanna's eyes? How could anyone forget anything they promised Hanna? That should surely be a crime; I would happily do the time if it rid me of the guilt I still felt.
I saw Hanna's breath in the air and I wished we didn't have to stand outside, but he insisted that it was part of the experience and to go and sit INSIDE would ruin everything anyway, because then how could he really APPRECIATE the end result? I didn't protest anymore, and kept my hands deep in my pockets, and the brim of my hat turned down.
Though of course, the moment he broke the conversation with the twelve-year-old and was looking back at me with those same large, excited eyes, I forgot the cold and the damp, and anything that was bothering me melted into the sidewalk. I was ready to make up for forgetting, even if he didn't know I had forgotten in the first place.
"Alabaster, isn't this exciting!? It's almost midnight and I'm still awake! I'm still awake and I can say I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the day it came out!"