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These not-so-epic-and-really-more-dangerous-than-fantastical cases were beginning to take their toll, not only the detective and his assistant, but also anyone within a ten mile radius. This time, Hanna escaped with little more than a few bruises and a large, thin surface scratch on his left arm. Conrad, however, had been much less fortunate. He had come out of everything with a broken ankle and a new grudge to add to the pile.

Somehow, in the flurry of wings, teeth, tiny claws, and girlish screams, the Fairies had decided to turn their attention on the pitiful excuse for a vampire with viciousness previously unseen. Hanna had apparently had enough; just as before, he had appeared, minus a shirt, in front of the mob of tiny shrieking horrors and wielded the magic marker as well as a knight with a sword. When the whole ordeal was over, Conrad was placed in the ever so loving care of Doc Worth. Immediately after, both paranormal investigators walked back to the hole they called home (completely ignoring the shouts and curses already coming from the door, heard even a block away).

As they came into the apartment, Hanna strolled right over to the closet and went about changing his shirt, stained with a little blood and a couple almost unnoticeable claw marks. The undead man turned just in time to see Hanna facing him and tugging the shirt over his torso, heaving a sigh and placing a hand on his stomach. An obvious sign of hunger, and surely Hanna wouldn't stay quiet about it for long.

"Hey, let's order pizza to celebrate a job well done! I mean hey, we kind of made that huge hole in the roof, and the Fairies didn't exactly get captured, but these things happen, you know? We did the best we could and nobody could do better!"

That was how dinner was decided. The green-skinned man got the telephone number to the pizza place, and Hanna called up. "Double pepperoni, double cheese, stuffed-crust, extra large,  yes we'll have Pepsi, no we don't want a . . . yeah, you know what, we'll take the wings too, if they're THAT cheap. . . .Cash, yeah. Okay, thanks!" Hanging up, the redhead turned to look at his undead friend and grinned.

"Man, that stuff is GREAT! I mean, you . . . oh. Well uh. You can't eat any . . . but . . . uhhh . . . it's still amazing! I bet you'd love it!" He gave his usual well-meaning grin, and at that moment the zombie knew he had to ask now. If he didn't, Hanna would roll into a topic that he couldn't get out of and then . . . well, after Hanna found something to talk about, there was no turning back.

"Hanna, why won't you tell me what happened to your chest?" this question was spurred on by the zombie's reflection on the events of the night, plus the sight of Hanna's horrible scar again. The few times he saw the industrial-grade staples and stretched skin, the sight brought up dozens of questions that mostly went silent the moment they reached his throat. Before he could even finish the sentence, though, Hanna was laughing and shaking his head, avoiding any and all eye-contact the man might be trying to make.

"What do you mean, why won't I tell you? I never said I wouldn't---"
"Hanna, you don't have to say you won't tell me. I know you won't. Whenever you do not want to address a subject, you sidestep it. Very obviously."
"Hahahaha, side-step? I have no idea what you mean. ANYWAY, do you think Conrad is gonna be ---"
"See, there, you did it again."
"Did what?"
The zombie gave a sigh and shook his head. He gave up. He had tried to get onto this topic several times, but, never---

"I can't tell you because it's dangerous if I do. Dangerous for you."

The statement shocked Ignacius. Never had Hanna ever even revealed a snippet of a hint about anything as serious and confidential as this. Now that he heard such a mysterious tidbit, what was he supposed to . . . do with it? He didn't know if he should press it or not. If he did, there was a chance Hanna might never talk about anything like this again. If he didn't, any information that he might be able to get  would pass him by with this singular chance to get at it.
Just as the zombie was about to open his mouth, there was a knock on the door. "Delivery!" a deep voice called out, and Hanna leaped from the couch, hand diving into his pocket and yanking out crumpled bills. "Coming!" he made the short trot to his door and opened it up.

Expectantly, Hanna paid the full twenty-seven-dollars with ones, and just as he took the pizza and went to push the door closed- the man had knocked him back. A Glock 17 9MM was pressed against Hanna's temple, and a nasty grin was on the delivery man's face.

"Hello there, Cross. As you already know, I can take you dead or alive, so I don't really care about your comfort." He hissed against the redhead's ear, as Hanna stayed frozen, back against the stranger's chest, trying to stay calm and breathe and remember all that training from so long ago.

"Ignacius, don't move, I---"

"Oh, my, my. You really are stupid. They weren't kidding. See, I said I didn't care about your comfort, which means nothing you say or do is going to save you. Be a good boy and come quiet now, yeah? Maybe you'll live longer than originally intended." Hanna grit his teeth as the man let out a disgusting laugh and pushed the cold metal harder into his skin.

Ignacius was stone still and staring at the scene with absolute terror by now. There was a gun. A gun. And Hanna. There was no way out of this. What was going on? Why was someone trying to kill Hanna!?

"I got this, Ignacius, don't worry." He said lowly, eyeing his friend in a sort of affirmative it's-go-time way. Ignacius had no idea at all what Hanna could possibly do in this situation, but he had to trust the man. Even in such a dark, frightening hour, he would have to trust him.

In a flash, Hanna was jerking his foot back and up, into the man's crotch. The pizza delivery man was prepared and ended up just wincing and brushing it off, twisting at Hanna's hand, which had gone to knock the gun out of the way. He slammed the investigator against the door and gave a vile laugh, the gun now pushed between locks of bright orange-red hair.

"Do you think the color of your blood will contrast nicely with the hair? I think so. Let's find out."




Click. Boom.
PLEASE leave SPECIFIC commentary. Tell me what you liked, didnt like, ect. because while I ADORE all that 'oh that was so great!' comments, they dont give me much to work on or keep up with. Heh.

Characters: ..., Hanna Falk Cross, Conrad Achenleck, Doc Worth

Inspiration: "Killers", the movie, starring Ashton Kutcher

Next Chapter: [link]

Notes: The first chapter of a very long, very AU fanfiction. I hope this lives up to expectations.
Oh.
And enjoy that cliffhanger. There are plenty more to come.
:iconhurrplz:

Hanna is Not a Boy's Name, a beautiful, wonderful, perfect webcomic, as well as the characters ..., Conrad Achenleck, Doc Worth, and Hanna Falk Cross belong to :iconvert-is-ninja:[link]

Special thanks to everyone who attended the livestream, as well as :icondigi-writes-fanfics: for all her hard work in helping me to become a better writer. Especially here. I couldnt have made this as good as it is without her. NOT TO SAY THAT IT'S GOOD BUT NOT TO SAY THAT IT'S BAD BECAUSE SHE WORKED ON IT TOO KIND OF AND---shutsup-

REVIEW IF.........

1. You wanna see me write more.

2. You have criticism.

3. You love me. :]

4. You hate me. ]:

5. BAHAHAHA YOU READ TO NUMBER FIVE. Now you must review or OHMIGAWD YOU WILL BE SHOT DEAD BY THE NEXT PIZZA DELIVERY GUY YOU SEE.

No, srs though. Review. D: PLEASE?
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:iconathenakt:
athenakt Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011
Woo, an intriguing and action-packed beginning!

A tip about formatting: I usually copy/paste text into Notepad (txt format) with word wrap off to get rid of any nasty formatting from a program I'm using to write at the time. Then I copy/paste the text from Notepad into wherever I'm posting.

Hope it's a helpful tool...
Reply
:icon0armoredsoul0:
0ArmoredSoul0 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
D8
HANNA!!!
:sprint:
GTF AWAY FROM HIM, GUN MAN!
Reply
:iconzazu75:
Zazu75 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
FFFFFFFFFFFF WHY HAVNET I SEEN THIS BEFORE!!!
oh and hey i think you should link the fics together, btw. it'd make them easier to read.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010  Student Writer
Totally working on that. XD -is lazy-
Reply
:iconzazu75:
Zazu75 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
hahaha!
Reply
:iconhosekidragon:
HosekiDragon Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2010  Student Digital Artist
WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOO!?
Cliff hangers are never funny when they're happening to you...

THE FAN BASE DEMANDS MORE.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2010  Student Writer
xDDDDD

The "Fan base"?! I HAVE A FAN BASE WAT?
Reply
:iconredshadowghost:
RedShadowGhost Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010
You know I always want you to write more...^_^
Reply
:iconclippys:
clippys Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
I like your style
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
Oh, thank you. :]
Reply
:iconrosie88:
rosie88 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
So, funny story, I actually deliver pizza fora living and true story, the izza bags have little hidy pouches that would actually be perfect to put a gun in...ummm yeah that's all lol
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
SCOREEEEE i win. :]
Reply
:iconrosie88:
rosie88 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
MORE PLZ!?!

and such a wonderful little cliffhanger there...
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
Haha, thanks. I take pride in all my cliffhangers.
Reply
:iconfluffy52:
Fluffy52 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
Omg this is so SAD omg !!!
You HAve To make a PARt 2!!! i need to read more about this now! Make hanna come back to life somehow!
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
Hahahaha. <3

Wait and seeeee!
Reply
:iconpuck-sexton:
Puck-Sexton Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010   General Artist
That ending was incredible. Most cliffhangers would finish after your "let's find out" line, but going on further is waaaaay more effective. Your delivery guy/bounty hunter amused me in a really cliche-scumbag kinda way, and that's a good thing. He has such a sleazy vibe.

The only critique would be that I think you're missing a word here or there. In the first sentence, I think you want, "not only ON the detective and his assistant". There might have been one or two other places, but they're not really noticeable unless you're dealing with a proofreading grammar-nazi. :D

I love it, it's interesting, and I want more, please. *waits for part two*
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
Awwww. Thank you. 8D I'm so glad you liked it.

And I was temporarily considering ending it at the "let's find out" bit, but hey. Two words can make a difference.
Reply
:iconkitsubasa:
kitsubasa Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
Well, for starters, I'm definitely not wanting to order pizza any time soon after reading this. :B

I'm pretty much in love with the characterization you have going for Hanna and {...}, and the snippets of Conrad and Worth we got in there were good too. Even though we didn't get to see much of him, I liked the pizza delivery guy and I found his character entertaining. I really want to see the rest of this because damn the end of that chapter was a good hook-- I'm genuinely curious to see what happens with Hanna. Hopefully he doesn't die... but if he does, I'm interested to see the direction that leads things in.

Critique-wise, the only things I can say are that {...} could've been a tiny bit more proactive in the ending bit-- even just a little bit of a movement towards Hanna? While the situation is tense, I feel like {...} would've done just a tiny bit more to try and prevent Hanna getting shot. Otherwise, perfect, and I'm looking forward to the rest. =D
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
Even as I was writing it, I was like "hrnhh. zombie. you need to move." but my head was like "no." so. :/

I might change it later, but it wont be anything drastic to change the flow or the outcome of things. Thank you. <3 I should have gone with my first instinct, haha.
Reply
:iconanthrop:
anthrop Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Constructive action mode GO.

Ellipses! Man do I love ellipses. They're so great to use in dialogue, and you did a good job of it. But I'm afraid there was some misuse. An ellipsis is meant to be written as "...," rather than ". . ." as you've done. Perhaps you're doing it for the style (as I used to do once upon a thousand years ago), so I'll just leave it at that.

Also, the em dash is usually only two hypens long "--" rather than "---." Again, that could just be your style.

Lastly, your spacing between paragraphs and dialogue was kind of... all over the place? Maybe that was intentional but I found it a bit sloppy. The final "Click. Boom." spacing seemed very intentional and is very final and definitely makes me want to know what happens next, however, so good job of that.

Also want to say that your evasive Hanna is awesome, and that he totally went for a nut shot of all things is even better. And ahaha the thug waited until Hanna paid him before shoving a big ol' gun in his face.

What I mean to say is that I'm interested! Yeah. And that this is a decent fic and I really want to know what makes it so AU.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
:3 I choose to respond to this and address each bit as I go. Yesyes? Yes.

Okay, so, as far as the ellipses, I had no choice but to write them with those extra spaces. If I dont, dA marks them as questionable text symbols and turns it into a series of numbers and ampersands. D: So really, it was unavoidable.

The em dash is a Microsoft Word issue. It simply refused to allow me to type a space after two dashes without turning it into three. :/ So it had to be longer than an em dash should be. Grah.

The spacing between my paragraphs has always been an issue for me. It's a huge struggle, I rarely know when to begin new paragraphs. I know that seems like a juvenile skill, but I've never correctly been taught that particular bit. D: I had shotty english education. I generally space paragraphs based on feeling and not grammatical rules, so yes, the Click.Boom. was a choice spacing, just like everything else. :]

WOOOO. I hope you follow it through. :] The next chapter should be up on Sunday at the latest, just FYI.

YES I hoped someone caught how he waited till he got paid. xD I totally did that on purpose.
Reply
:iconanthrop:
anthrop Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Really? I've been posting fics on dA for years and it's never given me any trouble with ellipses. It does change them to that mess sometimes when you're originally sticking a fic in the text box, but it translates over just fine.

Another really? My versions of Word combo two hypens into an em dash, which makes it almost as long as three. I've had to fiddle around to make it do that though. Have you tried poking around at Word's innards? I'd point out where but the version of Word I have on this computer is all new-fangled and clunky and I don't know where anything is haha.

For me, whenever I feel like something should be a new paragraph, I stick a space between and start typing (as you're seeing here in these remarkably long comments). What I was really pointing out was how you seemed to do similarly with describing paragraphs, but then scrunched all your dialogue together. It was kind of strange.

Oooh, excellent. With luck (and determination), I might be doing the same!

It was a great touch, I gotta say haha.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Student Writer
Hrm. I'll watch out for it's translation then. My 'beta' of sorts was telling me that the messy little numbers and whatnot were being seen after the fic was submitted, so. Eh.

As far as Word- Yeah, my version is new now. Dx I havent even bothered trying to fiddle with it.

Anddd...I am definitely going to have to work on the spacing. Because I see what you mean now, I think.
Where it goes something like this:

NarrateNarrateNarrateNarrateNarrate"TALK"
"Talk"
"Talk"
"Talk"
NarrateNarrateNarrateNarrate ect.

As opposed to:

NarrateNarrateNarrateNarrate"TALK""TALK""TALK""TALK"NarrateNarrateNarrate.

I actually picked that up from a few books. xD So. I suppose that's an improper method.
Reply
:iconanthrop:
anthrop Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah well, there's always the magic of edit-and-don't-inform-your-viewers, eh?

It's all just practice. I for one used to indent all my paragraphs once upon a time--along with ". . .-ing" and a dozen other things--and a bazillion years later we've got my current... style? We'll call it style. I for one don't really think there's an "improper method" to writing fiction. Pushing the boundaries of accepted styles and viewpoints and all that. I love picking up a book or reading a bit of fanfic that somehow or another makes me sit back and go "...Whoa."
Reply
:iconsaint-duke:
Saint-Duke Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Digital Artist
I love the dialogue~
They both seemed really in character to me.

And uh.
I'm not good with trying to give good constructive comments 3:
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
Oh hush. <3

I'm glad you said something about the dialogue. I'm so self-conscious about that. D8
Reply
:iconraequiem:
raequiem Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
WHAT.

NO.

THERE MUST BE MORE!
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
:iconohohohoplz:
Reply
:iconraequiem:
raequiem Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
WRITE. NOW. *hands you keyboard* DO IT.

For serious, though, I read that last line and was like :iconohshitplz: So you need to write more and make it better now, okay? Please? :<
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
:iconsmughannaplz: Maaaaaaaaaybe.
Reply
:iconraequiem:
raequiem Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
I-it's not nice to torture your readers :iconsniffleplz:
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
:iconimsorryplz:
Reply
:iconraequiem:
raequiem Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
Quit responding and write the next chapter!
Reply
:iconsilverhelme:
silverhelme Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
IMISSEDTHELIVESTREAM
:iconcryforeverplz:
But hjsdhjbsdhdhdc!
And the end. Darn you and your beautiful amazing cliffhangers, Moonie! DARN YOU STRAIGHT TO HEEEEEECK...... :D
"Please sir, may I have some more?"
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
XD
AW.
MOAR?!
MOAR!?
Yes.
....
Whenever I decide to post the next chapter.
Reply
:iconsilverhelme:
silverhelme Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
YESSSSS :XD:
I shall bug you incessantly.
....
Until you tell me to bugger off and I actually listen.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
PSHT.
Naw, in all seriousness, it'll probably only be a couple days.
Reply
:iconsilverhelme:
silverhelme Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
Hehe yay :D
Reply
:iconinvader-zin:
Invader-Zin Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student General Artist
OHMAN that was amazing. Mostly, the thought of Hanna in danger makes me like'em even more! [characters in danger/threatened=-drool-]

Cliffhangers = I need more
Cliffhangers are the ultimate wat to get your fans, watchers, etc. to keep reading. It attracts you in either a good or bad way "Like DUNN DIE" or "C'mon, kill'em!"

Yes, I want MORE! NAOW! Whens the next chapter due?
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
;D Due?

Oh, I dont have a due date.
MAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


In all seriousness, the next chapter is probably going to be up in a couple days. I work at a speedy pace. xD
Reply
:iconinvader-zin:
Invader-Zin Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student General Artist
-throws hands at sky and falls to knees-

NNNNNOOO- Is that a toothless icon?
Lol

Yay :D -agrees with writing pace- Unless I get bored with it...You've inspired me to actually start a fic I need to write XD
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
SCORE! :iconimhappyplz:

And yes. Yes, this is a toothless icon. :iconlamontheheheplz:
Reply
:iconinvader-zin:
Invader-Zin Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student General Artist
:iconhannaloveplz:
Reply
:iconxtheauthoressx:
XTheAuthoressX Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay. Okay. The suspense is killing me. Your zombie is like, spot on, I want to hug your Hanna and PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK DON'T LET HANNA DIE.

PS. I never answer the door for pizza. XD I WIN THIS ROUND.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
;] I guess you'll have to wait for the next chapter to see if he does or not. HRM. <3

WELL GEE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT THE ONLY TIME YOU SEE A PIZZA DELIVERY MAN IS WHEN YOU ORDER PIZZA? >D
Reply
:iconxtheauthoressx:
XTheAuthoressX Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
GRAH YOU. I WAS GOING TO LEAVE A COHERENT, WELL THOUGHT OUT COMMENT BUT I AM DISTRACTED BY THE FACT THAT HANNA MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN SHOT. ;__;

BECAUSE I DON'T GO OUT MUCH, THAT'S WHAT. OH. SNAP.
Reply
:iconmoonkistforlife:
moonkistforlife Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Student Writer
XDDDDDDDDDDD
AW.

And you never know.
You could be like.
Sitting at home
and see a picture of a pizza delivery guy on a website
and then
BAM
he breaks in and kills you.
Reply
:iconxtheauthoressx:
XTheAuthoressX Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm really glad Hanna doesn't deliver Pizza.
Reply
:icondigi-writes-fanfics:
Digi-Writes-Fanfics Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
Ah, where do I begin with this?

First of all, I'm still in shock that this is your first written out scene with dialogue and such since you were thirteen. I refuse to believe it, damnit. Your dialogue suits both characters perfectly. The way you wrote Hanna's exchange with Zombie regarding his scars was particularly poignant, the exchange just seemed so perfectly Hanna while doing a great job of making us realize "holy shit there's a plot here". I also really enjoyed the bit with the pizza, it just seems so adorably silly, and the mentioning of Conrad bitching made me smile.

And then of course the action starts. You did a great job, throwing us right in and really getting the tension going. I also love the pizza guy. Oh pizza guy, you're so stereotypically evil. Also lovely cliffhanger, I'm so proud~!

I can't say I really have any criticism of this, you worked hard and it shows. I can only hope the other chapters are as good as this one, it's looking to be a promising read already!

:icondigiapprovedplz:
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